FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ANSWERED VIA VIDEO
These are some of the frequently asked questions we receive on pornography and sexual addiction issues. We hope these frequently asked questions will give you some hope, confidence and understanding about your addict. There are several questions. If you’re seeking help for yourself or a loved one, congratulations, we can help!
Yes, this is absolutely confidential. That is why I have made it a possibility to download the manual instantly, or if you request it, you can have a bound copy mailed directly to you. If there are special instructions you want or a special place to mail it you can indicate that on the e-mail.
I have been in the addiction field for over 18 years. I have come to understand the definition of addition and its various stages as the following: An individual continuing to act out behaviorally after they have made a commitment to stop and there being negative consequences associated with those behaviors. Pornography absolutely falls into that category.
Many say, “I am not addicted I can stop whenever I want.” A sure fire test is “WELL THEN STOP!” See if you can stop participating in the viewing of the material or actions. As you read that statement listen real quietly in your mind and you may hear yourself saying, “Oh, I can stop anytime I want to, it’s no big deal.” The definition of addiction is continuing to participate in unwanted behavior especially after you have made the commitment to stop. The individuals I have worked with, before coming to me, have all said to themselves over 100 times that they are going to stop and not look at pornography anymore. They always found themselves returning to the addiction time and time again. Understanding why that happens is at the core of the InnerGold treatment manual
Everyone’s cycle is a little bit different whether it is 3 months, 6 months, or once a year. But when they binge once a year it’s like 2 to 7 days at a time spending countless hours viewing pornography. They pull themselves out of it and justify that they are fine. Everyone has a different cycle. This addiction tends to be progressive where the more you participate in it the more it starts to take control of your life to the point where an individual spends hour after hour trying to cover tracks and hide it from all.
Recently, with the introduction of the internet, we are seeing more women become involved with pornography addiction. Generally, they are more involved with the chat rooms and emotional side of things. We are seeing more and more where pornography is becoming a more pertinent issue.
The purpose of the InnerGold treatment system is to instill in you that there is hope. There is hope in learning how to understand why this thing is so difficult to get rid of and to gain the knowledge and information you need to stay sober. It is a lifetime process. There is no once and for all overcoming these issues. Learning to accept that fact is the beginning of when you change and start to find a different way of living your life.
A client recently e-mailed me the following: “What you have spent countless hours developing and perfecting is in my opinion the single most effective recovery program out there. Before meeting you I personally had read dozens of books, some of which I can’t even remember, and worked with dozens of church leaders rarely feeling any permanence in hope and progress. Now I can truly say I am beginning to understand the life long nature of what I face. Not in a depressing way but in hope and confidence. You know the story. What is amazing is how many times you have seen people at the end of hope say what I have said after going through your program for a time. How many frustrated and depressed pornography addicts can say this? There are millions and addicts of which hundreds of thousands are likely frustrated and depressed and of those only a small handful has any hope.”
The purpose of the InnerGold treatment program is to instill in you that there is hope. There is hope in learning how to understand why this thing is so difficult to get rid of and to gain the knowledge and information you need to stay sober. It is a lifetime process. There is no once and for all overcoming these issues. Learning to accept that fact is the beginning of when you change and start to find a different way of living your life.
The core of the InnerGold system is to teach you why you literally feel like you are two different people. Probably the most common thing I hear from individuals when they come in for their initial assessment is they say, “There is a part of me that wants to stop doing this but there is another part that really doesn’t want to stop.” Understanding why the brain responds that way is the core of the InnerGold program and treatment manual. In a recent women’s group I was facilitating, whose husbands struggle with addiction, one woman had just found out that her husband had been looking at pornography secretly for a number of years and it absolutely devastated her. She didn’t know what to do; whether to leave him or how to deal with it. She hated him and didn’t know if she could ever have a sexual relationship again. After I explained how the brain works and this addiction works she kind of melted in a way despite still being very angry. But now she understood what is going on in the brain, why pornography does what it does, and how it becomes such a secret addiction.
These sexual addiction issues are not things you overcome once and for all and the issue is done. It is a lifetime process understanding mindfulness, awareness, acceptance, and change which are all encompassed in the treatment manual in teaching individuals how to view these addictions differently. One of the greatest challenges and struggles that clients have when they come in and the first question they usually ask me is, “How do I overcome this addiction or end this once and for all.” I teach them that we have to learn to think differently about this. This isn’t something that you fix like that once and for all…and it is OK to accept that fact. That acceptance is a huge relief to individuals when they hear it. Our culture is all about fixing things once and for all. When our car breaks down we take it in and don’t drive it out until it is fixed. When individuals come in they do the same thing and want to be “fixed.” “Fix me. How long is this going to take 4, 8, or 12 weeks?” I don’t have an answer for that. My work is to teach clients to think differently about addiction. This is a lifetime issue that you don’t just crush, kill, and destroy once and for all. I will ask clients to go back and see how many times their past solution attempts have worked at actually stopping your sexual or pornography addition. The clients say things like, “I have tried 100 times and it hasn’t stopped.” That’s why we need to think about this addiction differently. That is what the education process is about and what the information in the treatment manual is providing for individuals.
There are many different opportunities and information available out there in treating addiction. All I can tell you is the information I have received from my clients who have used the InnerGold treatment manual. Many clients I have worked with have tried other programs and they have told me this is the only thing that has worked for them. The development of the treatment manual takes into consideration a number of different philosophies in my 18 years of personal experience and thousands of hours sitting with individuals, couples, and in doing group therapy. All of my experience has been combined into that manual and my clients are telling me that it is the one thing that has helped them stay sober better than anything they have come across in the past.
Everything that has worth has a value. It is so important for individuals that want to get something out of this to put something into it. I have a client I have been working with for the last year. He is very poor and it takes him 90 minutes to get to my office. He has to take 2 buses and has no car. I struggle taking funds from him but when he comes in he is almost offended to suggest giving him a break on his fees. He says that this is the most important thing he is working on in his life and he simply says he needs to do this for himself.
I believe so much in the treatment manual that I will unconditionally guarantee a refund of money. Use the treatment manual for 30 days, do the assignments in there, actively participating in doing daily planning sheets with a future picture statement as described in the manual, and participated in active meditation. If after doing all these things, if you do not see a significant change, I will unconditionally refund your money. I totally believe and have seen experience after experience that those actually doing what is in the manual are getting better.
The treatment manual was originally developed to help individuals who specifically struggle with pornography and sexual addiction issues but can definitely help those with a loved one who is struggling. Recently, a wife of an addict who’s husband was at work, picked up the manual and read it cover to cover. She told the wives of various other addicts in a women’s group that they had to read the manual and that it had changed her life. Also, when I present the material from the manual in workshops, I have individual s come to me and say that the information is extremely valuable to those who do not have a sexual addiction. It is also helpful in the sense of being a warning of what can happen if they allow themselves to even begin viewing pornographic material.
The best way is to get them the information that they need. The information provided in the treatment manual has helped many individuals find the hope and more specifically the understanding of the nature of addiction and why pornography affects the brain the way it does. Once a person truly understands how the brain functions then they can start to find the hope and gain the skills and tools necessary to stay sober.
Not necessarily. The manual is the core of the program. The reason I am making that manual available to the general public is to provide the support and help that they need if a client is not willing or they cannot access appropriate levels of treatment. I am a firm believer in therapy and treatment. The ideal thing if you were to purchase the manual is to follow up with a therapist who understands this addiction. What I have found with so many clients who come to me is that there are not many people out there who truly understand pornography and sexual addiction issues.
The program encompasses all of those things including same gender attraction and heterosexual attraction. What I have found in working with a number of clients over the years who struggle with same sex attraction is that the information in the treatment manual addresses their issues. The treatment is the same as it would be for someone with heterosexual attraction. There are many who I have been working with who are sober, married, and living happy lives right now. They have to learn how to manage it.
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