Thanks for the encouragements guys. Yes the "cautious optimism" is exactly where I'm at and it makes perfect sense! Interestingly, it is markedly different from the "unrealistic optimism" I had once at a time I had achieved sobriety before Innergold's help. I mistakenly but understandably started to think I had the problem beat and this caused me to relax my thoughts and let my mind wander to the places it shouldn't, it wasn't long before the pull of the tide caught me and dragged me way out beyond my depth. Now I'm doing the activities even when I don't think I need them, I'm not even allowing certain thoughts to settle in my head before I've moved them on and it's amazing how easy it is to pull up the weed before it has taken root. The key is now eternal vigilance to ensure it never does.

It feels so good to understand this stuff and begin to gain mastery over it. I never thought I'd reach the day.

Keep going Willpower. Sometimes it seems daunting the tasks that lay at hand but just take it one day at a time.

Be very careful watching videos about ex-porn stars. They are graphic and often trigger many people. I echo what has been said, "BE VERY CAREFUL!"

WillPower...

That was a great post! What you just explained is what we call cautious optimism.  This optimism drives our progression and focus forward.  On the same note, it is about being cautious like you explained.  Doing the daily things and always knowing if we let our guard down, the limbic system will be waiting.  It is almost a sure thing that when clients come in and have had major slips or a relapse that they have stopped doing the dailies, meditating, too much free time, etc...  The times where the dailies feel overly routine or like we just don't need them anymore is a climactic point where its time to dig our heels in and just keep it up.  This is what long term sobriety means.

Hang in there, keep it up and thanks for the post.

djtechno, thanks so much for sharing that bit of info that you heard. It makes sense and is a powerful aid in gaining more control over the life we are trying to be living.

Hi guys, thanks for the replies. Well more than a week since my post and, yes, I have to say it is all very positive. Like IGC Mod said, I can see how it's all part of forming the new identity and I feel that as I slowly get used to the "new me", the one that isn't constantly consumed with the next fix, my mind is free to be on all kinds of interests and activities that I should be pursuing.

It's now coming up to an entire month and a half since I have committed self-abuse and a bit longer since having had fed my mind on anything untoward and while I am nowhere near out of the danger zone I am delighted that by following the Innergold steps I have maintained sobriety with, so far, no REALLY difficult days. In fact I honestly forgot about the fight for a few days as I was busy with other matters. It's like I am now getting a glimpse into the person I could be, once free from the addiction monkey on my back. Don't get me wrong, I do comprehend that I will never be free from the danger of relapsing, but I do want to be at a place where it's not dominating my life so much that it's defines my character.

Thanks guys, this "afraid of not knowing who I am" came from a natural "fear of the unknown", however I'm slowly learning about my new reality and the more I "know" about it the better I'm feeling.

Hi Helen, please do post that link, thanks

A good short documentary to watch is called "A Drug called Pornography". This is a very well done piece.
It can be found on you tube and is very professional.    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALeRKvxrJjs                 as always when on you tube be careful of triggers.

    Again use the greatest of caution when on you tube it can
be a gateway to darkness.

Great advise from the forum members.  When sobriety begins becoming a part of life and who we are, there is a new flow of energy.  This energy is looking for something to grasp onto instead of the addiction.  This can leave one feeling a little overwhelmed and lost at the prospects of life.  Take and channel the energy in healthy ways. A hobby, serving, work, family time, etc... What is it you like to do? What are healthy activities you like?

Your limbic system has survived in an unhealthy way with the crutch of addiction and now it feels a sense of loss and emptiness.  Look at this as a positive feeling. Often times addicts get scared with this new energy and just switch one addiction for another, so be aware of this all too common trap.  

Remember, just one day at a time. Focus on your future picture statement and look to the future in hope and possibility rather than fear.  Life in and of itself is a rollercoaster and that is just a part of living.  Stay optimistic and look at the future as an adventure that is unfolding in new and healthy ways.   Keep up with the dailies and meditation...this really helps stay grounded and focused.

for me, i can't even give in to a little bit or it will consume me. read the treatment system over and over and meditate. it helps. the more you change your thoughts the more it helps to change the behavior. it used to be a fight, with nail biting, etc.; now, it is just recognizing, "it" and changing my thoughts to something else. i don't dwell on it. i move on.

i have found if i start thinking about it, in depth. this only increases my desire to act out. change the thought completely. use one of the dog tag messages. the one i have says, "trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

the dog tag really helps.