LadyPirotessa
Newbie
Posts: 3
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« on: September 28, 2009, 08:45:34 am » |
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Greetings all,
My husband is going through recovery for sex addiction. We are currently
working on the home gentle path starter kit, reading a great deal of
literature, he has a sex addiction therapist, another therapist, I have a therapist
as well as he is taking part in SAA.
In one of the many books, as well as one of Debra Laaser's books it says 90 days
of abstinence is good. We both have agreed to this but the other night he
had a wet dream involving his addiction. Since that reintroduces the "drug"
into his system, does that negate the last 17 days? Does his counter start
over every time he has a wet dream until he can get through the full 90 days
without orgasm?
I would love to get your thoughts and opinions on this.
Thank you,
~Lady
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recovered
Jr. Member
Posts: 50
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« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2009, 10:00:52 am » |
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i can only speak for myself but for me. it is important for me to have a strong relationship with my wife and because of the way the man is made, intimacy is extremely important. otherwise, my mind carries me in different directions than it should. sex addiction is serious, no one really knows the difficulty unless they are dealing with it but to remove it does not seem to make sense to me. sexuality is part of who we are. i don't think this will negate the previous days because naturally men think about sex a lot more than women.
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LadyPirotessa
Newbie
Posts: 3
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« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2009, 11:35:34 am » |
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Thank you for your quick response, recovered. I'll certainly take your council into consideration! This has been a difficult road for the both of us. Again thank you.
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recovered
Jr. Member
Posts: 50
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« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2009, 02:20:56 pm » |
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your welcome.
addiction is not an easy road for anyone to follow. the addict or the loved ones of the addict. the addict does not think he is hurting anyone so what does it matter but the truth is, it hurts loved ones more than they realize. have you listened to innergold's presentation? if not, you may want to watch it. it is extremely helpful. many people say it helps open their eyes. here is the address: http://www.innergold.com/pptVideo.cfm
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LadyPirotessa
Newbie
Posts: 3
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« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2009, 11:04:25 am » |
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Again, thank you very much! I will certainly look at it as well as show it to my husband. We are currently both working on "The Gentle Path" but both of us are open to any and all help we can get from any who truly care and truly understand the difficulties of this addiction. Neither of us understood just how common/prevalent this really is and now that we both see that neither of us are alone, we are both powerless and that there are so many out there just like us...it's a relief to know that there is help, care and comfort for recovering addicts and their spouses who want it to work in their relationship/work on their relationship together!
Again I cannot say how helpful it is just to have another person out there who knows and is willing to help with advice/thoughts/oppinions and just listen/read.
Just....wow and Thank You.
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recovered
Jr. Member
Posts: 50
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« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2009, 12:00:12 pm » |
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you are welcome. i too, did not realize how prevalent this issue was until talking with gordon, at innergold. 1 out of 5 adult men is struggling with pornography addiction. there are many resources out there for helping addicts unfortunately, a lot of them encourage the addiction by their methods of dealing with it. again, i found this out while with gordon. for example, there are some people that tell you, "it's ok, don't worry about it." others saying, "your bad don't ever do it again" the fact of the matter is neither of these are correct. i really encourage you to watch the presentation on the innergold site. it is amazing! also, innergold just did a webinar that i attended and it was fantastic.
a few other suggestions that help me:
weekly tips (they are basically tips that help give you encouragement and strength, you sign up for them on the innergold site)
daily tips (i get a lot of emails so i chose not to receive these but if the addiction is really bad, this would be good)
watch all of the videos on the innergold site
all of these helped me tremendously!
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IGC Moderator
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« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2009, 10:06:27 am » |
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A wet dream is the bodies natural way and there is no choice involved. This cannot be considered a slip or relapse in any way. I would say "it is what it is." A dream. Over 90 days a male body will likely have multiple wet dreams where complete abstinence is taking place.
There is so much opinion and even controversy regarding abstinence. There is also varied opinion on counting days. Regarding abstinence, it is hard to say what is best for each married couple. Some couples go a time of abstinence...some out of choice, some out of anger. Other couples keep their relations alive during recovery. The question to ask is what is best for you? What are you as a couple most comfortable with and feel will bring the best results. My personal opinion is that a couple should work and grow together and not apart but each couple must do what they are comfortable with.
Recovery from sexual addictions is a process. It is like learning a new language and takes time. Recovery is like putting all the pieces of a puzzle together that has been disassembled over a lifetime. There are literal changes in the addicts brain that occur. I would encourage you and your husband to learn about those changes.
Take every lesson learned in recovery as a positive progression that negative setback. Any negative processing will feed the addiction.
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« Last Edit: October 10, 2009, 01:49:58 pm by IGC Moderator »
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