Daily planning scheet

[pavel]

I bought the innergold manual. Read through it and did all the assignments. Now I am trying to do my dailies meaning fill in the daily planning sheet the goals for each area: spiritual, physical, emotional and sexual. I have a clear idea about the goals in spiritual, physical and emotional areas, but I am a bit confused about the sexual area. What kind of goals should I plan here daily? To write every day "I am not going to watch porn" seems to me a little bit weird.

That is the thing. In all the other areas I simply write what I want to accomplish at a particular day. This doesn't seem to be possible in sexual area. Can anyone give some hints and advice?

Pavel

[IGC Moderator]

Sexually can mean a few things:
How are you doing in regards to triggers? How is marriage/dating going? What can I be doing to keep these relationships in a healthy and enriching way?  How am I doing to stay in the wise-mind rather than the fight mode? etc...

A few suggestions for that section may be things such as:  - Focus more on spouses needs today. - Going to be at trade show...remember wise-mind and surrender. - Acknowledge increased triggers coming from 'XYZ"... - Focus more on mantra "pain of regret is more difficult than the pain of discipline."

Those are just a few ideas but the statements/goals will be different for each individual based on circumstances. Feel free to ask any additional questions.

[akdia]

i agree with what moderator said, use sexually to focus on spouses needs. if you are not married, than focus on what you want your relations to be like when you do get married. i am married and focused on my wife's needs. usually it is not sexual at all, cleaning and helping around the house for her, this feels her needs. women are emotionally connected to everything. give us a little history, are you married? etc...

[pavel]

Hi,
[quote author=IGC Moderator link=topic=484.msg611#msg611 date=1268254548]
How are you doing in regards to triggers?
[/quote]
Since september I have started making a journal of the times when I watch porn. I try to analyze the situations that led to it.
Recently I started to record also "unsuccesful" triggers, but honestly it is quite humiliating to even write it down. I am not fully consistent in that.

So in my situation a goal for a day could be: "Record every trigger in your notebook as soon as it arrives." Am I getting it right?
Or "Read about the triggers from the last week and make some conclusion for your lifestyle." etc. Yes?

[quote author=akdia link=topic=484.msg612#msg612 date=1268279701]
give us a little history, are you married? etc...
[/quote]

Yes, I am married for more than five years. My wife knows about my addiction and is very supportive. I am employed at university. I have my own office with computer and internet, which I have to use. I have installed on my computer a program that sends links of suspicious websites, I have visited, to my wife. It helped a lot.

Since september I acted out two times. After reading some testimonies of former porn actresses and going through the innergold manual I moved from two weeks frequency to lets say two and a half months frequency. Of course I want to move forward.

Do you have any advice on how to continue?

[akdia]

Pavel, congratulations on progression. I know this addiction is not an easy one to manage but you are progressing and you should be commended. However, don't let your guard down, keep it up and always alert. I also commend you for using an accountability software and your wife. She will be your biggest asset it long-term sobriety.

Has your wife read the manual? If not, I would encourage her to. She may gain some incite that will also help you. I know many wives that have read it and they have found a lot more understanding and also recognized areas for improvement.

Now, I do have a few more questions before I can answer your question about how to continue?

Do you live an active life stlye? Sports, hiking, biking, etc
Are you a junk food junkie?
How often do you eat sweets, drink soda pop, etc?
Do you exercise?
Do you eat a healthy breakfast?

Describe your life. This sounds like an interrogation but I have been blessed with some knowledge to help people progress in life but I need to know your situation a lot better.

[IGC Moderator]

Pavel,

Look at all the positives you are achieving! I commend you in your efforts and you are definitely on the right path. Remember, this is a process...a new language. It takes time to learn and to re-train the brain. I am not saying to justify or just give in I am saying that there is progression and to focus on the positives and progress.


To quote your response (And please take this the right way as there is much to be learned in this process)
""So in my situation a goal for a day could be: "Record every trigger in your notebook as soon as it arrives." Am I getting it right?
Or "Read about the triggers from the last week and make some conclusion for your lifestyle." etc. Yes?""

So my response is actually different than you may expect. Analyzing triggers should not be the focus.  The focus should be 'acknowledging" triggers and moving past them quickly. For example...If you see a beautiful woman and your brain does a double take (or gets triggered) you say "Wow! That was a beautiful woman...thank you "IT" for reminding me of the trigger. Now I chose to move on."   
Acknowledge and move on.  Do not dwell or make that the focus.    If there has been a slip, you can do a relapse 10 commandment prevention work sheet (http://www.innergold.com/pdf/igc10com.pdf) and make that a safe place to process. 

In other words, step back....take a breath....simplify   Daily planning sheets can be simple...do not make them a chore. Be brief and direct. So for example with the concept of triggers instead of making the trigger the focus and writing them down, make a simple statement on your planning sheet such as. "I have been having increased triggers. I am setting a goal to be more aware of "IT" and to acknowledge and move on from them quickly today." 

So that is a good way to continue and to adjust the mindset of recovery a bit.  The other piece of advise I would give is to stay positive and focus on the successes rather than the failures. Don't get cocky because the limbic will jump all over that too. The "WISE MIND" is a balanced place of positive confidence combined with cautious humility.

You are definately on the right track in recovery. Keep it up!

[pavel]

To akdia:
1- Yes, I live an active life style. Month ago I started to run every morning for thirty minutes.
2 - I am not a junk food junkie. I cook for me and my wife over weekends and sometimes even during the work days.
3 - I eat quite often sweets, but I drink a lot of water and I drink tea without sugar.
4 - Yes I execise (I am running)
5 - I usually eat smashed apple with nuts, raisins, coconut, wheat and rye flakes,

I am currently trying to improve my lifestyle. I stoped eating sausages. I buy more often vegetables etc.
Feel free to ask more questions :-)

[akdia]

Pavel, you are doing well with your eating habits. I have heard that the better our bodies feel on the inside the easier it is to manage our bodies. I am working on this.

What type of a job do you have? (you don't have to be specific but is it high stress and if so what kind of stress? deadlines? boss yelling? etc.)
Have you been doing the meditation that is talked about?
Have you learned to do it for an hour?

Meditation is one of the toughest things for me because my mind keeps saying, "What a waste of time? I should go work in the yard. I should do this or that.... ) However, I have heard it is most valuable to do for everyone, addict or not!

[pavel]

Akdia,

I am emloyed at university. I am something like "scientist" 
The stress comes from deadlines or when I am loosing my time by surfing the internet (the clean part)

I was maditating a bit in the past but currently not.
I would like to start again because I remember its the positive influence.
However, it is hard to start again. I do not have time in the morning so probably I will try to meditate in the evening.

How and when do you meditate?

[akdia]

Meditation is something I actually try to slip in many times during a day. I don't know if it is the best way or not but it has been working for me. When I am driving, I do not listen to the radio but I just focus and all my blessings. (Be careful this works for me, it might not for you and it is a different form of meditation than what InnerGold uses. I am a religious person and, during this time, I give thanks to my Heavenly Father for all my blessings. If I find my mind starting to wander, I start speaking out loud. With cell phones, no one would know the difference and would not think you are losing your mind.

I also find brief moments here and there to just take 5 or 10 min to focus like InnerGold teaches but it is shorter lengths throughout the day and every once in awhile, I am able to really meditate.

I may be wrong but it is working for me. I personally believe every little bit helps.

[dp256]

Meditation has always been a hard thing for me to do consistently as well. Like Pavel, I know that it has a very positive influence, it's just finding the time to do it. What I'll do sometimes is sit and meditate for a few minutes if I'm ready for bed but my wife is still brushing her teeth, etc. Even 30 seconds is better than nothing if you ask me! Longer periods of time are harder to find, but it's something that I want to start working into my schedule again.

I found that the dog tags are a great way to keep a positive scripture or thought in my mind. Just having that around my neck reminds me that I need to keep in the wise mind, and just repeating the saying/scripture on it is a great help.

[recovered]

meditation is really hard. it is one of the hardest things for me to do, blah! unfortunately, or should i say fortunately, i recognize a difference when i meditate.