A "map of the recovery process"?

[WillPower]

Hello, I am unmarried, not sexually active with other people and have recently resumed my battle with porn after a number of slip ups which started out slowly and ended up becoming much more frequent. Admittedly I hadn't been using the Innergold tools properly.

Through willpower and a renewed sense of determination, it has now been over 2 weeks since I have viewed porn nor indeed masturbated. However I have achieved this a number of times before, it's all familiar territory and I know much harder the fight will get. Some years ago I abstained from masturbating & porn for over 4 months. The trouble was in that period I went into very unchartered territory and I really didn't know what to expect of myself and how much longer I could have kept on going. I felt like there was this huge load on my back that wouldn't go away and I would eventually collapse under its weight. Indeed I did.

But I still do believe that if I could do it then, I can do it again now especially with the help of Innergold. So I've resumed my resolve. My questions revolve therefore around knowing what to expect and being ready for the different stages of the journey. My fear is that the sense of helplessness will return as more time passes in sobriety and no relief comes, no diminishing of the physical urge to act out. I remember hoping that after 4 months I would start to see a reduction in the drive and desperation to act out, but it never happened. Over that period I had a number of "wet dreams" which did provide some relief physically, but I found it to be inconsistent and, toward the end, didn’t come when I need it most. So in light of my concerns please answer the following questions:

    1. Please tell me, does the fight get easier through time? I just read the excellent The Cliff analogy and appreciated the comparisons. It said near the end though that climbing the cliff becomes part of life. On the one hand this is encouraging because it indicates that we get used to living like that and the climbing process become as routine as brushing our teeth. But does it also mean that the fight remains as hard as when we start out? Logic tells me that it can’t be by virtue of the fact that any sustained habit becomes part of our nature as we learn to live that way naturally. It’s just that I have not yet experienced that stage in the process and don’t know if it exists. I notice too that part of the Innergold guarantee is money back for no results after 3 months of consistent use. Again, 3 months seems to indicate that this is a period of time where changes would start to take place and a difference would then become noticeable as you move into a new phase of recovery. With that in mind my next question is...

      2. Do you have some kind of a “map of the road to recovery”? This map would essentially tell someone what to expect on the journey in relation to time frames. I know that this probably cannot be an exact science, but generally can there be some description of what life will be like after 1 month, then 2, then 3 etc. The reason this would be so helpful is that I didn’t know after 4 months of abstinence what would happen to me. Was relief was just around the corner or would the crushing weight of desire never go away. Because by that point, acting out felt like an inevitability. I think that the danger in such a “map to recovery” is saying “you are now in the safe zone” or “you are now past the worst” and this can play into the very deceptive and, I imagine, lifelong threat of complacency, however if we treat it as a given that we will NEVER be free from the danger, could we then look forward to an easier future while at the same time maintaining the exercises that enable us to feel relief of the addiction and enjoy our sobriety.

I’m sorry for such a long winded explanation but I felt it important that I explain the reasoning behind my questions in order for you to know what I am getting at and therefore provide me with an answer that addresses the real issue.

Any thoughts on this would be gratefully received.

[IGC Moderator]

Way to be continuing to press forward and continuing to climb the cliff.

1. The word "easier" can be a tricky word and even play into the limbic system's games. I like to use the word "manageable." In the sense of the extreme constant craving that takes place when one is continually acting out on a daily or weekly basis, YES it does get more manageable.  Remember, this is a cycle that your brain has been going through for years. Pick yourself up quickly, identify the triggers that created the acting out, and press forward ONE DAY AT A TIME.  Do not worry about counting days or time of sobriety. Just focus on today.  Then the next day you will focus on "today."  Today is really the only day we have.  We cannot worry about future pressures or past slips. We have no control over them. Just worry about "TODAY" one day at a time.  Think of it this way...Can you be sober today?  You can likely say "YES."  If you try to tell yourself you have to be sober for 6 MONTHS...the brain wants to just give up.  Just worry about today.

2. Many different addiction theories have maps, patterns, cycles, etc etc...  Truly the answer is that it really depends on each individual.  There are some who see cravings diminish hugely after just a couple weeks.  Others are nagged by intense cravings much longer than that.  Some go a couple months seemingly with few triggers and then WHAM, a barrage of triggers can come from nowhere.  What it really boils down to is doing your dailies every day. Meditating daily. Having hobbies or activities that can fill up free time.  Most importantly...it is about learning to SIT IN THE PAIN OF CRAVING from time to time. There is the pain of regret after slipping and relapse but there is also the pain of discipline when the cravings are strongest.  THE PAIN OF DISCIPLINE IS ALWAYS EASIER THAN THE PAIN OF REGRET FROM ACTING OUT.

If a map would be helpful let me suggest drawing one up in regards to your own personal cycle and recovery.  Each person is different but no one better than yourself can truly and honestly know your exact triggers, situations, times or day/month/year when cravings are highest.  This Climbing of the Cliff is a personal journey for each addict.  You are doing great! Most importantly, keep it up...do not give up. After time of doing dailies, meditating, etc... you will find it becomes more automatic and manageable.